I've been asked to share some things on this page and that's a great honor.  Anytime, any of us in recovery are asked to do something, it's always an honor.  Terry D. saw me over at another site and sought me out, thank you for that Terry.  I want to start with some basics so you can know who I am.
            I'm in my mid forties and I have been married for over eleven years.  My wife and I have three children and we live in the Northern Rocky Mountains, just above Yellowstone Park.  We live in the town where I grew up and we have a pretty nice life.  It's a small town and we make it a priority to get out of here, when we can.
            I was intervened on early in my life and sent to a treatment center when I was twenty-one years old.  I finished my treatment and went into a half-way house.  Because of how I felt about recovery I was drawn to work in the recovery field and I did that work for many years.  I got to work in the center where I graduated and was even asked to run the half-way house I loved so much.
            I left there and traveled to a new job in the South.  I loved my time there and it was in the South that I fell totally in love with recovery.  I found some really good sponsorship in the South along with some wonderful friends and together the combination of those gave me a reason to always keep growing.
            When I was twenty-seven I came back home.  I needed to rebuild my relationship with my parents and from thousands of miles away that wasn't going to work.  At home I started going to school again.  About that time I met my wife and we started out as friends.  With time that friendship grew into a solid relationship.  After dating for a period of time we finally got married and the rest is history. 
            I successfully rebuilt my relationship with my parents and because of that work I was able to become a good son.  When my father died I was able to grieve his passing with nothing left undone or unsaid.  The night before he died we had a blast laughing about the Boston Celtics and how bad they were.  The day he died I was doing something for him that was important and when I got the phone call it was a long terrible fifteen minutes driving to their home where he laid dead in the bed.  The reward God gave me, because I rebuilt that relationship was the ability to stand at his bed, look at him and love him for the man he was.
            My family, my wife, and my friends give me the courage to keep building upon the relationship with God that I have.  All the people in my life have very similar beliefs and we all feel equally compelled to do the work that we do with each other and those that we come in contact with.  We all believe that building a solid relationship with our Creator is the single most important thing we can do.
            What do I believe?  I believe we are human beings on a spiritual journey and it's our responsibility to fulfill that journey.  I am in recovery because at one time in my life I was trying to fill the spiritual hole in me with crap!  It wasn't until I sat down in the rooms of recovery that I finally figured out that I was on a spiritual trip.  I was angry for a period of time and I spent some of my early time in recovery doing things that contrasted with the things that I write about. 
             I was not the poster child for recovery for many years.  I wasn't always a walking breathing example of what should be done to accomplish things in the rooms of recovery.  I had to grow up in the rooms of recovery and there were times when growing up hurt really bad. 
             I used to learn things only after being beaten into total submission.  Now I learn fast and I learn mostly from the touch of a feather, rather than having to be beaten with a board.  I don't like feeling uncomfortable in my skin anymore.  I like feeling good about who I am and I like how people see me today rather than how they used to see me. 
            In the group of men I spend time with we challenge ourselves to be better men at the end of the month than we were at the beginning of the month.  We give each other carte-blanche to confront anything we see that is not okay.  Skating on thin ice is not okay with us.  Taking chances in our lives and in our relationships is not okay.  Together we have had to go through some really terrible things.
            Where am I going? 
            During my younger days I wanted to be the old hippie with my Chevy van and a dog named Boo, like the old song used to say.  I wanted to be cool at any cost.  The cost of being cool was going up with out me knowing it.  I was so positive I was cool and everyone loved me.  God how I was wrong.  I also wanted to be left alone.  I wanted to be up in the mountains sitting on my deck with my dog, my woman and my kids.  That was my dream and I wanted that dream no matter the cost. 
            I was living in Hell and I didn't even know it.
           Today I know exactly where I'm going and I do everything in my power each day to keep myself on track.  I live by the concepts set forth in the "Book of Life" and by the concepts of recovery.  My goal today is to get to the finish line walk into heaven have God look at me and say, "Well done, good and faithful servant."
            Before I was driven by the concepts of my addiction and today I am driven by the concepts of living a life based in recovery.  During my day I can tell how I am doing by how often I am praying.  Today I can tell how my walk is going and where that walk is taking me by how much good I am doing.  Am I smiling at my fellow human beings?  Am I holding doors open for people?  Am I picking loose pieces of trash as I walk to pay for my gas?  Am I helpful rather than hurtful?
            Where I was going before was a self perpetuating hell that I created by my own selfish chaos.  Today I try to create a life of little chaos by the amount of time I spend praying and then following through with the directions given me through prayer.
             It never dawned on me that there were other people who were affected by my actions.  Today I take responsibility for who I am and the things that I do.  In the concepts of recovery along with the other things I read I know that I'm responsible for the things in my life and if they are there I need to learn from them.  Before I was angry at God for the things in my life.  Today I give thanks to God for the things in my life.
            Where I go to meetings there is a plaque on the wall for those in recovery that have passed on.  My mission is to die and end up on that plaque.  My other goal is to do a good enough job with my children that they never have to see the inside of the rooms of recovery because they have to. 
            My children know where I go at night and they know why.  When they ask "why do I go to meetings?"  I tell them the truth.  Before lying was the only answer I could give.  I still have contact with a few people I grew up around and every once in a while our conversations drift to the "good old days."  I've asked them how they handle their kids questions about what they used to do and they laugh and say, "I lie!  I'd never tell them what I used to do.  No way!" 
            If I tell my children not to lie, I need to respect them enough not to lie to them.  Living by concepts that govern behavior and actions along with values and beliefs is hard.  I'd rather do the hard thing than the easy ones.  If you have any questions or comments please share them with me.