After weeks of traveling and living ‘on the road’ ( as we wait for our new home to be ready for move in day) I have become surprisingly aware of the difficulty to secure an internet connection for more than a few minutes as well as how much dead cell phone space there is as we drive from Texas to California. So, for a few minutes I have an internet connection. As we have been driving across this beautiful country, I have experienced peaceful internal silence, with little outside distractions and I have enjoyed many conversations with God. In the silence of our souls we find His Spirit waiting to be noticed and listened too. Many times we are afraid to be still, to be in the moment and to experience the now. Since it is usually fear that drives us to avoid this golden silence I would like to consider the principle of courage as the next principle that we embrace and incorporate into our recovering lives.

My husband and I began this new phase of our journey some months ago, when I submitted my application as a resident hospital chaplain with a hospital in northern Texas. I had a lot of doubt that I would receive an interview, and even less expectation that I would receive one of the coveted 7 residencies, as this will allow me to fulfill a long dream of being a chaplain in a hospital setting. With great excitement I accepted this year long commitment and we began to plan our move. Fear came up many times over the past few months, but it is the courage that is given us as we are transformed into who God created us to be that took hold and courage was the energy that allowed us to pack our home of 14 years. So, here we are in the middle of our move, leaving Dallas and moving to Lubbock Texas. This will be our home for the next 12 months, as I begin my residency as a hospital chaplain. What fun it is when courage is guiding our path, and not fear. Ray and I are uncertain what our plans will be at the end of my 12- month residency and it is joy, excitement and gratitude that we can change and follow where Spirit leads us.

I had no idea when we began this change, how much had to change and the amount of courage that would be called upon to allow us to move forward into the unknown. Hmmmmm - the unknown! If I recall correctly this is a part of our life that many of us want a guarantee – at least in our early days of living the principles of the 12 steps – before we are willing to move past staying sober and into living, into the unknown. With courage as the primary principle guiding our action, we can overcome the fear that keeps us locked away. This fear is either literally or figuratively as we live in our homes or mentally living out possible outcomes in our heads, waiting for life to appear with either a warranty on our efforts or a guarantee before we are willing to try something new.

With this move we have said our good-byes to our faith family, home recovery group and friends. These past weeks as well as the next few weeks have seen us living in a hotel, traveling from city to city, visiting new recovery groups along the way and seeing some old friends. Wow, we have let go of a wonderful community and our home (that is still empty and waiting to be leased - soon we pray), and we have been sent off with prayers and support of those who care about us. We are willing to trust our life into the hands and guidance of God and although there have been moments of fear, it is courage that gives us the energy to take good orderly action. It is courage and trust that allows us to turn to God in prayer, surrendering our concerns as we change so many aspects of our life. At the end of our day, sleeping in a different city than the day before, we pray together with gratitude and pray for our loved ones, trusting God in a very intimate way. I am so grateful that we have received sufficient grace that allows us to try different things, whether it is a new place for meetings, a new home or a new job. Fear is no longer our master, as we have found courage to be the guiding principle for our daily life.

We began this journey, when I was willing to submit my application to a hospital for a residency as a hospital chaplain. I had the full support of my husband, but I did not think I had much off a shot for an interview, since I am a bit older, a Catholic woman, and I am not ordained. But, this was something that I felt very strongly about trying to do. I had hoped to work as a hospital chaplain 20 years ago, but could not see how this door would be open to me when I was a single mom with no college degree. God had a plan though and I was willing to uncover what that plan was. This too took courage – a lot of courage. I finally became tired of who and what others said I could be or should be and in working step two I wrote about those things that I hoped God could restore me too. I have not been disappointed in this process of restoration. There was a time that if I had not received formal training in something, whether it be cooking or drawing - no more. I have said there are many things that I could not do. My attitude changed towards my abilities and possibilities during a period of intense work toward my recovery, when I had not uncovered the unlimited possibilities of who it is that I was created to be, by Gods standards, not my own or others. I have always pushed the envelope of my life, but it is through spiritual courage and strength that I have been allowed to dream again, to remember who and what it is that I am and could be. This takes courage and it also requires courage to support this discovery of those close to us.

To imagine, to wonder, and to dream – all of these things take an incredible amount of courage. I am willing to do these things, willing to learn what I do not know how to do, I am willing to walk this journey without knowing exactly who, what, when, where, and how, Gods will is going to come about in my life. I am willing to trust God meeting my needs, no matter where I am or what city I find myself ending the day. I am now willing to act on courage and leave behind the fear that use to run my life, the fear that ruined my life and take this energy and turn it into action, and this is courage.

Driving across the mountains, driving in silence and adoring the wonder of God’s creation, we are now only a day away from California. I look forward to seeing my first sponsor, the wonderful woman who first guided me over 20 years ago - after some more driving we can stop over in southern California for a visit, and then on to see another long time friend. My husband and I are on a journey with hopes and dreams today; we share these and support each other in living as the created we were meant to be. With courage we travel back to Texas later this month and I begin a year as a student, ministering to the sick and alone. These will be my new teachers and with deep gratitude I feel like the luckiest gal in the south. I am willing to discover the road God calls me to walk – and I do not have to walk alone, nor do you.

Take courage as your shield and invite God to fill your heart and mind with the action that courage affords, so that you too can live each day unsure and unafraid, but trusting in His infinite goodness and plan. Embrace step two and discover what God is longing to restore your life to be, and who you are restored, complete and whole. Today is an exercise in trust and as long as there is more courage than fear, well then the action that is necessary will be sufficient. I look forward to sharing another principle next week as I secure internet access over the next few weeks. Move in date is August 23 and new job starts the 29th – I ask for your prayers, as we continue our journey and discover new blessings each day.

Many Blessings ~
Carol

Prayer for Courage

God, take my life and all that is a part of my life and journey. I humbly ask you with sincerity and trust, to restore my soul to one of courage, so that I may live as the person You created me to be. I invite you to restore me to the creation you intended me to be upon my creation. I thank you for filling my body, mind and soul with courage and I ask that you remove all fear that stands in the way of my becoming and living as You call me, one day at a time. Amen

carolannpreston2005

This submission is exclusive to www.recoverylife.com
Carol is an author, married 14 years with two grown children and a precious granddaughter. Carol and her husband hope to adopt an infant or child and she is about to begin her life long dream to work as a hospital chaplain resident in Lubbock, Texas later this month.

Read more of Carols guided meditations on her web-site www.roomforhealing.com and read about her 12-step workbook, Remembering Who We Are: a workbook release expected late September of 2005. Contact Carol if you are interested in scheduling a workshop or retreat, using her workbook for those affected by addictions and/or for those who are interested in learning more about 12-step spirituality.