As we move forward with the focus on principles for living for a recovered life, I would like to discuss honesty, as a principle to focus on this week, as we journey into the realm of the Spirit. Several words come to mind when honesty is considered; some of these are integrity, virtue, morality fairness, equity, and honor. These words were certainly not what I would consider in the early stages of practicing life in the realm of the Spirit.

I can assure you that although many of the principles seem to be mere suggestions, they are in fact another must for those desiring to recover and to be restored to sanity.

With principles for living, principles that support a recovered life honesty is the one principle that must be present in the beginning of any effort to create an environment for God to transform one's mind into one that is recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of body, spirit and mind. A life absent of honesty is a life unable to create a foundation for a life free from active addiction and true usefulness to his fellows and God. Honesty is also something that is a gift from our Creator. If this is an area that you find yourself having difficulty with, then simply ask God for the grace of honesty.

A program of recovery absent of honesty is no recovery at all - but a charade, with the central player deluded more than anyone. For many of us, our first experience with being honest is when we are capable of admitting complete defeat. Some of us have this moment of clarity, where we can see the damage and destruction we are causing, and at that moment many of us are given the grace to kneel before God, asking for help. Some of us find ourselves begging for help, when we are aware from deep within that our only hope is the Grace that has opened our mind to see the ridiculous denial we have built our lives around. In the beginning our lives more clearly resemble that of a house of cards, with dishonesty and selfishness the foundation of our misery.

One could logically conclude that if our former dishonest way of living was a source for our trouble, then we would naturally turn around and grab hold of a new set of principles and this would include a life of honesty. Not so for many, at least until we have experienced enough humility and willingness to go to any lengths to recover, we shy away from living honestly. Our first practice seems to come with a trusted sponsor, and then it grows from there into our daily lives.

My experience in discovering honesty as part of my nature did not come until I seriously took making direct amends, with good guidance from an honest sponsor. With honesty a gift of God's grace, I was able to face my character defects and an honest look at the wreckage my behavior caused, I was able to look at my glaring defects; such as gossip and character assassination. I had became willing to make direct amends to those harmed by my action, it was then, in this willingness to make direct amends that I found honesty to be the new rule that would guide my actions. No longer wanting to live verbally tearing down others, and avoiding difficult situations, I was given the courage to be honest in my daily affairs, one day at a time.

When questionable situations would arise, I began to ask myself one question when honesty seemed unclear. This one question has become my guide as the mark that my relations are measured by, this one thing that clarified all uncertainty when honesty was questionable and that was this one simple question to myself.

"Is what I am doing or saying something that can hold up to any public scrutiny?" "Is this something where I would be embarrassed by my action or participation? Can I hold my head up, knowing that I have done the best I can, given what I have to work with, being honest as I go throughout my day?"

It is not honest when taking home business items that belong to my employer, it is not honest to act as a friend to someone that I have just slandered to another. Honesty is not a bargaining chip in recovery - we either are honest or we are not.

And, once we hold open the door justifying our dishonesty, we begin to justify our actions, knowing our behavior is wrong, and this is a spiritual door that opens more problems and difficulties than a recovered person will want to deal with. Once we negotiate one principle, well then the rest of the principles just seem to go by the wayside, one at a time. The good news is that the 10th step allows us a door to regain our spiritual freedom.

When I was much younger, as a practicing Catholic, my mother would take us to confession every Saturday evening. Like clockwork, my three siblings and I lined up with the small gathering of other regulars to confess to the Priest what we had done the week before. I discovered, by the time I was a young teen the unique ability to convince myself that if we don't talk about something, if we don’t tell the truth, well then it is not real and never happened. This is the earmark of denial and I had it big time. I had difficulty with enough sins committed in a week's time, and the ones that I did commit I withheld, thinking that my life was far worse than it actually was.

So, I lived with self-condemnation and critical judgement of myself and others - dishonesty distorts the truth - even when one is not so good at being as bad as one thinks. I have often heard others trying to gain a foothold on recovery and the difficulties seemed to be based in their inability to see themselves not as bad as their minds judged them to be. That is why confession and/or the 5th step is such a wonderful healing part of our recovery. I have heard another group of folks who claim their right to confess their wrongs to God, and God alone would suffice. They can keep it between them and God, no one else need know. They have no need of a personal confession to God and another human being and they are being short-changed, with a closed mind, in the area of spiritual healing.

Not all experiences are great, but most of them are as these can be spiritually intimate experiences. With no need to blame anyone, but a chance to just tell the truth, we lose our fear of being found out and this experience of spiritual freedom comes with no short cuts.

So back to honesty - it is a long road to live with this principle as a foundation for the action and motives for our lives. Once we have grabbed hold of this principle, experiencing the wonderful and powerful healing component to honest living, experiencing the freedom that comes with telling the truth.

I would like to give you one example of this - First, I was experiencing deep grief over making decision in my life that was not true to who I am, and the dreams that I had hoped to experience. The decision left me riddled with guilt and remorse, so deep that I seemed to be unable to find relief. The healing came but it took some time and a number of coincidental experiences orchestrated by God. One day this grief was so consuming that I drove to the closest Catholic Church, crying as I walked into the offices, and asked or demanded that see a priest. The receptionist was flustered by my emotional state and quickly came back to escort me into the office of a fairly young priest. I did not care. I needed relief and I did not want to drink - he did ask me if this needed to be a sacred time, confession, and I said I did not care what we called it. I just had to tell him the truth of what happened, as I had carried the full guilt and responsibility for the decision that had left me in such pain. As I shared with him the whole truth, withholding nothing, crying non- stop until I finally came to the end of sharing this experience and I looked up at this young priest. He was crying. Tears were rolling down his young face, no words were spoken for a few minutes as he composed himself, noticing his lack of shame for his tears. He looked at me and said the words that aided in healing my broken heart, he said, "I'm sorry that happened to you and that no one was there to help you make a different decision. I am sorry that you were alone."

This was the first time I had ever seen a priest cry and it was certainly the first time one ever apologized to me. This was a powerful healing experience, and one that those who shy away from being honest with another human being and God - you are missing a healing of a lifetime. You may not feel different at first, but with shame no longer the key that keeps you in the darkness of dishonesty, you will surely find your way to a compassionate and caring representative of our Loving and forgiving Creator.

For some members in recovery honesty has been a difficult topic, let alone a principle to live by as a code of ethics - it can be tough for those still not into full recovery. Denial and dishonesty for some is a way of life, and for others it is a long-standing habit. And then for the character that seeks perfection there is no lack of honesty, but an overly scrupulous conscious - one that can never quite be lived up too when expecting perfection - another defect that is as troublesome as a dishonest life can be.

We give honesty a good effort, day in and day out and when we fall short of our mark we turn to an honest self-appraisal and confession and any amends that are needed. We do this and then it becomes who we are, not something we do or don’t do - it becomes the very fiber of our character and something that we no longer fear or want to live without.

Honesty is a gift from the Creator of Life, a grace found in willingness, a gift that sets us free when we embrace the moment honesty finds its way to our soul. I pray that you experience healing from an honest sharing of the truth about your life and that you find this with the presence of the Holy Spirit and in the presence of a human being, one worthy of trust and confidence. Honest sharing from one soul to another is a beautiful expression of Love.


Prayer for Honesty


God, open my soul to be honest with you and those trusted souls You have placed in my life ~ allow me the courage to embrace an honest way of living, that will allow me to experience an honest way of loving.

Thank you for the grace to be honest when and where I have been and forgive me for those times I have failed to be honest. Forgive me for the times I have embellished experiences to make myself seem more interesting, either for being better than I am or for being worse than I am. Heal that area of insecurity in my heart that pulls me into a dishonest way of life. Hold my hand, with each breath I take I pray and praise You and ask that You allow my life to express an honest perception of the Divine Love that created me and my fellows.

May I live thy will and do so with an honest mind, heart and mouth.

Amen



 

Carolannpreston2005

Written exclusively for www.recoverylife.com

Carol is expecting the release of her first book, a workbook using an adaptation of the 12 steps, Remembering Who We Are: a workbook late this summer. She resides in north Texas with her husband Ray. To read more about Carol and her work, as well as her weekly meditations visit her website at www.roomforhealing.com
 



   



© 2005 carolannpreston, Recovery Life